I understand widowhood now in a way that I never wanted to Imagine. A form of grief and mourning so profound that even my breasts ache as I sob. I have been trying to hold the boulders of sorrow on my own and to oppress my emotions and just carry on, but it was just more heaviness than I could bear without another set of arms holding me. It all must be felt to Transmute Pain to Purpose. 

The mourning of someone so Deeply Rooted In My Heart, so Intertwined With My Soul, so Full of Love, with so much Potential, an unheard of amount of Sensitivity, the mind of a True Genius, Luminous Brilliance, The Essence of Divinity, Fiery Passion, Innate Beauty…  and an equal amount of cowardice, delusion, and toxic foolishness. The only Soul my whole being has been In Love with. A body still breathing, encased in stone.

Should he Prove Miracles, it will have taken far too long. It could have been yesterday, but it wasn’t today. It does not matter five years or twenty, it is too far away.

Miracles. To the Gods Above, will you allow them? To the Gods Below, will you believe them? Can you See What You Have Not Seen?

As I watched the Stars Race Across The Sky through the blur of my tears, the floodgates of burst and it all came pouring through. The raging red tide of my moon carried away the years of grief seen but not heard, now screaming at me to Listen To Its Wisdom.

It cries out for The Temple We Built that I hold up alone. The Dreams, Laughter, tears, passion, Orgasms, Journeys, Kisses, and all of the obliteration. Sophia. Jude. Seth. Beliefs once held and Visions once seen.

And as all the ghosts poured from my eyes, I see them all… and myself three times. Fate. Death. Entropy’s victory of all things that none have been so arrogant to defeat. Wishes. Lives. Possibilities. Species. Moons. Stars.

The birthing pangs of A Woman Discovering The Depths of Her Heart. In the deepest well of the darkest night of the soul, Expanding Her Universes of True Love and Wisdom.

Crying out for the Medicine Woman to come to me, Hold Me and guide my journey into the abyss. Help me breathe. Point me to the light.

“I am here,” she says within, pushing me deeper into the blackened waters with her kiss.

Reaching for Mother.

Lying on the jungle floor, wet from the cenote, Kissing the Jaguar as monkeys swing from the trees.

Arms Spread Wide in the prairie, Butterflies shading the sun on my face, smelling the Sweetgrass and the Buffalo’s Tongue.

Burning my feet on the sands of the desert, Dancing With Scorpions to the rattle of a Snake while Coyotes Sing in the summer heat.

Surrendered, gazing in The Eyes of a Lion King, standing in the Red Dust of the Elephant Herd and Hyenas Laughing.

Frozen in melting ice alongside a Timeless History.

Drenched with the muds of the Hot Springs in Cold Mountains amid Rushing Streams at the Edge of the Sea.

Naked Worship to the standing tall Race of Cedars. Roaring with Bears. Running with Wolves. Howling to the Moon.

The rustling breeze moving through the Forest Whispers, “I shall fade also… even Eternity comes to an end.” Beauty is witnessed in The Blink of a Mighty Eye.

Eyes drowning, heart on fire, the pictures of needless suffering will also come to an end. Heaven burns as hell freezes over. The Chaos of the Cosmos spinning in circles, like settling dirt.

Off in a cabin, a furry companion, and a shadowy figure with an interrobang face. More questions for each answer, Spiraling Into Infinity, seeking singularity. Expanding Minds and Hearts. Love is Just Love. The marriage of Gaia and Greenman. The Celebration of Fertility, Regeneration, and Veneration For The Seventh Generation. Nature and Love Always Win.

Breathe In Love, Exhale Gratitude. Softly falling flesh Returning to the Dream. Waves of pain eroding walls, revealing greater love. It will come before the end of this sun. Prophecies Spoken Will Self Fulfill.

Please consider offering a financial gift of any size (one time or monthly) to support Nikki Starseed’s 
Ministry of Love and Mission of Peace.

If you feel ready to work one on one with Starseed, you may also book a session to experience her 
Divine Gifts through a more personal relationship. 

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